The Death of Cornelius: Gustavo’s Sanity, Basketball Fan, and Debt-Ridden Abstract Concept

Cornelius, the fragile embodiment of Gustavo’s sanity, officially expired on August 29, 2025. Known in the neighborhood as both a stabilizing force and a suspiciously well-dressed abstract concept, Cornelius balanced his days with basketball, motorcycle joyrides on his beloved 2023 Honda CB400, and occasional wrestling matches with his loyal pet komodo dragon, Alfred.

Once rumored to be a mildly racist ex-SS commander (though records remain unclear), Cornelius heroically contained the chaos of one man’s overcaffeinated mind. He is survived by 14 wives, 5 sons, 9 daughters, Alfred the dragon, and a mountain of crippling debt that would make even the most forgiving bank manager weep.

Cornelius will be missed, mostly by creditors.

Cornelius, sanity in a suit—basketball in hand, dragon debt unpaid.

Cornelius may be gone, but the absurdity lives on. For more chaotic tales, don’t miss Bang Bang, Bayan! — The Memoirs of a Sentient Pistol in WWII Philippines

Read here.

Nostalgia in Manila: Gustavo’s Story of Basketball, Gin, and Friendship

Gustavo, now in his 30s and working a corporate job, looks back on his Manila college days filled with basketball, cheap gin, cigarettes, and unforgettable friendships.

Once a backdrop to basketball games, cheap gin, and carefree laughter, the College of Fine Arts now lives on in Gustavo’s memories of youth.

A hot, unrelenting sun bore down on the cracked pavement of the College of Fine Arts parking lot. Yet a cool breeze, almost out of place in the Manila heat, drifted through the trees, carrying with it the chatter of birds and the restless whisper of leaves. The scene was tranquil—until Gustavo shattered it.

“HELL YEAH!”

The cheer tore through the air like a gunshot. A rotund student in a blue polo and Crocs, Gustavo threw his arms skyward after sinking a basket on a makeshift hoop. His victory dance was as graceless as it was excessive, hips thrusting into the wind, voice echoing with triumph.

“WHO’S YOUR DADDY, BABY? EAT IT! LOVE IT! GET USED TO IT!”

Friday at the Office: Corporate Coldness, SLAs, and the Countdown to Freedom

Brightly lit corporate office on a Friday afternoon with employees working at their desks

Intro:

Friday afternoons in corporate offices often carry a unique mix of pressure, exhaustion, and anticipation. This is the story of Gustavo, his team, and the clock that measures both their work and their freedom.

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The Pressure of SLAs

The chatter of voices, the clicking of mice, and the clacking of keyboards fill the office on a Friday afternoon. Employees push through the final hours of the week, racing to meet their department’s Service Level Agreements (SLAs) before the clock strikes five.

At his desk, Gustavo takes a slow sip of coffee. The cup warms his hands against the steady blasts of the air-conditioning that chill the office. He works at an even pace, glancing often at the clock on the wall.

Heaven & Hell Basketball Showcase Decides Ukraine-Russia Conflict

Photo from 2019's Heaven & Hell Basketball Showcase

CELESTIAL ARENA — Tuesday, August 19, 2025  

An electrified crowd of angels and demons packed Celestial Arena tonight for the opening of the seven-game Heaven & Hell Basketball Showcase. With the winner granted the power to sway the outcome of the Ukraine-Russia conflict, anticipation crackled through every halo and horn.  

Grand Opening Spectacle Dazzles Celestial Arena

The festivities began with a blistering set by rock legend Ozzy Osbourne, whose howl echoed off gilded balconies as pyrotechnics painted the rafters in celestial fire. Directly afterward, wrestling icons Hulk Hogan and Razor Ramon squared off in the center court, body-slamming each other beneath suspended hoops and sending the infernal faithful into a frenzied chant of “Whatcha gonna do when Heaven runs wild on you?”  

Recruitment Clash Sparks Satanic Outcry

Gustavo’s 4AM Filipino Morning Routine: Coffee, Cigarettes & Sarcastic Work Chat

Before sunrise, Gustavo fights exhaustion, cigarettes, and the weight of another workday. This story captures the grind of early mornings, corporate dread, and the fleeting humor we use to survive routine.

At 4:00 AM, the town still lay beneath its blanket of silence. Gustavo’s alarm erupted—a shrill, unforgiving shriek—yanking him from half-dreams. He groaned, limbs heavy as wet towels, and fumbled for his glasses on the nightstand. Each movement felt like wading through molasses; even blinking cost effort.

In the kitchen, he set the kettle on its burner, hands trembling as he measured three spoonfuls of coffee and three of creamer into his chipped mug. No sugar, because at this hour sweetness was a luxury. Steam hissed from the spout, and when the first drop of boiling water hit the powder, Gustavo flinched as if stung.

A quiet kitchen counter with coffee, kettle, and mug—capturing the weary solitude and morning rituals of a long workday ahead.

Holy Heist: Juicy Jesuits’ Safety-Pin Bank Robbery & Drunk Koala Getaway

VATICAN CITY (Not Really) — In what authorities are calling “the most sacrilegious stunt since someone tried to baptize a cat,” a rogue band of renegade priests known as Junnie’s Juicy Jesuits executed a bank robbery so bizarre it left law enforcement baffled, theologians speechless, and one koala slightly hungover.

🙏 The Leader: Junnie, the Unholy Heartthrob

The group’s charismatic leader, Junnie — a self-proclaimed “serial philanderer with a rosary and a dream” — reportedly orchestrated the heist using nothing but a stolen sermon, a Latin dictionary, and a suspiciously well-trained marsupial. Witnesses say Junnie entered the bank wearing a cassock lined with glitter and humming “Like a Prayer.”

“He blessed the vault before blowing it open,” said one stunned teller. “It was oddly respectful.”

When High Hopes Meet Low Bandwidth: Gustavo’s Tuesday Streaming Meltdown

After a draining 9-to-5, there’s nothing sweeter than clocking out and reclaiming your freedom. The Joyful Clock-Out follows Gustavo—your classic overworked office worker—on his chaotic yet hilarious after-work ritual. From dodging supervisors in the elevator to snacking like a king, and finally facing the ultimate anime-night disaster (thanks to a dead Wi-Fi box), this short story captures the comedy, relief, and pure absurdity of escaping corporate life at day’s end.

Joyful office worker leaving the workplace at 5 PM, symbolizing freedom from corporate stress and excitement for after-work relaxation.

The Joyful Clock-Out

Gustavo, the perpetually overworked corporate drone, slams his laptop shut at 5 PM sharp. He scoops up his coffee tumbler, earbuds, and half-eaten protein bar with a grin that would alarm a psychiatrist.  

He vaults toward the elevator, heart pounding with…something thrilling that isn’t paperwork.

Elevator Ambush: Background Noise

Doors slide open, and Ayan, Gustavo's supervisor,  edges beside him, clipboard raised.  

“Pah-per… plan-ting… Sat­ur­day… bus… waiv­er…” her words blur into elevator dings.  

Gustavo’s brain hits mute; he nods so vigorously Ayan beams—convinced he’s on board.

Shoes Off, Slippers On: The Great Escape

In the carpark, Gustavo peels off dress shoes and hurls socks onto the passenger seat.