Cornelius, the fragile embodiment of Gustavo’s sanity, officially expired on August 29, 2025. Known in the neighborhood as both a stabilizing force and a suspiciously well-dressed abstract concept, Cornelius balanced his days with basketball, motorcycle joyrides on his beloved 2023 Honda CB400, and occasional wrestling matches with his loyal pet komodo dragon, Alfred.
Once rumored to be a mildly racist ex-SS commander (though records remain unclear), Cornelius heroically contained the chaos of one man’s overcaffeinated mind. He is survived by 14 wives, 5 sons, 9 daughters, Alfred the dragon, and a mountain of crippling debt that would make even the most forgiving bank manager weep.
Cornelius will be missed, mostly by creditors.
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| Cornelius, sanity in a suit—basketball in hand, dragon debt unpaid. |
Cornelius may be gone, but the absurdity lives on. For more chaotic tales, don’t miss Bang Bang, Bayan! — The Memoirs of a Sentient Pistol in WWII Philippines
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