Company Training Day 2025 (Part 3): Pastries, Humanoids, and Gustavo’s Brush with Destiny

Saturday Training Day 2025 wasn’t done with Gustavo yet. After pastries, speeches, and the awkward attempts of management to inject “fun” into corporate learning, the final act of the day pushed the boundaries of reason. Between buffet food comas, Quality Assurance lectures, and what may or may not have been an alien invasion, this part of Gustavo’s journey proved that absurdity can strike even at the heart of a corporate event.

Post-Buffet Chaos

Bellies stretched, belts loosened, and yawns echoed through the lavish hotel function hall. The coffee station became a battlefield as overstuffed employees fought for caffeine to survive the dreaded “afternoon slump.”

But there was Gustavo, a man with his own strategy: a fresh plate of roasted chicken wings and potato wedges.

“Damn, Gustavo! Really making the most of it, huh?” Gaspar said, eyeing his teammate’s fourth plate.

“I don’t plan on buying dinner tonight, man. This is paid for already,” Gustavo replied mid-bite, chicken grease shining proudly on his lips.

Before anyone could argue, Archie’s voice cut through the murmurs:

“We now welcome Sandy, our Chief of Quality Assurance, to discuss the 3 R’s of effective quality management. Please give her a round of applause.”

A slow, half-hearted clap rolled across the room. Underwriting was still outside on a smoke break. Claims was on the brink of a food coma. And Sandy… Sandy had the unenviable job of keeping an uninterested, burping crowd awake.

“Quality gets the short end again,” Gustavo muttered, scarfing down his wedges. “Nobody likes the fault-finders.”

The Humanoids Arrive

Then, everything changed.

The Death of Cornelius: Gustavo’s Sanity, Basketball Fan, and Debt-Ridden Abstract Concept

Cornelius, the fragile embodiment of Gustavo’s sanity, officially expired on August 29, 2025. Known in the neighborhood as both a stabilizing force and a suspiciously well-dressed abstract concept, Cornelius balanced his days with basketball, motorcycle joyrides on his beloved 2023 Honda CB400, and occasional wrestling matches with his loyal pet komodo dragon, Alfred.

Once rumored to be a mildly racist ex-SS commander (though records remain unclear), Cornelius heroically contained the chaos of one man’s overcaffeinated mind. He is survived by 14 wives, 5 sons, 9 daughters, Alfred the dragon, and a mountain of crippling debt that would make even the most forgiving bank manager weep.

Cornelius will be missed, mostly by creditors.

Cornelius, sanity in a suit—basketball in hand, dragon debt unpaid.

Cornelius may be gone, but the absurdity lives on. For more chaotic tales, don’t miss Bang Bang, Bayan! — The Memoirs of a Sentient Pistol in WWII Philippines

Read here.

Heaven & Hell Basketball Showcase Decides Ukraine-Russia Conflict

Photo from 2019's Heaven & Hell Basketball Showcase

CELESTIAL ARENA — Tuesday, August 19, 2025  

An electrified crowd of angels and demons packed Celestial Arena tonight for the opening of the seven-game Heaven & Hell Basketball Showcase. With the winner granted the power to sway the outcome of the Ukraine-Russia conflict, anticipation crackled through every halo and horn.  

Grand Opening Spectacle Dazzles Celestial Arena

The festivities began with a blistering set by rock legend Ozzy Osbourne, whose howl echoed off gilded balconies as pyrotechnics painted the rafters in celestial fire. Directly afterward, wrestling icons Hulk Hogan and Razor Ramon squared off in the center court, body-slamming each other beneath suspended hoops and sending the infernal faithful into a frenzied chant of “Whatcha gonna do when Heaven runs wild on you?”  

Recruitment Clash Sparks Satanic Outcry

Holy Heist: Juicy Jesuits’ Safety-Pin Bank Robbery & Drunk Koala Getaway

VATICAN CITY (Not Really) — In what authorities are calling “the most sacrilegious stunt since someone tried to baptize a cat,” a rogue band of renegade priests known as Junnie’s Juicy Jesuits executed a bank robbery so bizarre it left law enforcement baffled, theologians speechless, and one koala slightly hungover.

🙏 The Leader: Junnie, the Unholy Heartthrob

The group’s charismatic leader, Junnie — a self-proclaimed “serial philanderer with a rosary and a dream” — reportedly orchestrated the heist using nothing but a stolen sermon, a Latin dictionary, and a suspiciously well-trained marsupial. Witnesses say Junnie entered the bank wearing a cassock lined with glitter and humming “Like a Prayer.”

“He blessed the vault before blowing it open,” said one stunned teller. “It was oddly respectful.”

Manliness vs. Mason Lid: A Surreal Humorous Poem on Masculinity and Everyday Struggles

Struggling with a stubborn pickle jar has humbled many men, but in this surreal and satirical poem, it becomes an epic battle. “Manliness vs. Mason Lid: A Surreal Humorous Poem on Masculinity and Everyday Struggles” takes a humorous look at masculinity, ego, and the absurdity of everyday struggles. Blending poetic storytelling with absurd comedy, this piece transforms a simple kitchen frustration into a larger-than-life saga about strength, identity, and the fragile myths of manhood.

Muscular, Adonis-like man psyches himself up before tackling the unflinching picle jar

In the land of cracked knuckles and midnight grunts,  

Where shirts feared buttons and hygiene was a front,  

There dwelled a legend—a tempest, a king,  

Joey the Man’s Man, unyielding as spring.

No napkin dared touch his caveman maw,  

Plates were but weakness—he scoffed at such law.  

Toilets wept silently when Joey was near,  

For his exit left echoes, but wiped nothing clear.

Diary of a Damp Towel: A Sentient Rag’s Sweaty Revenge in the Philippine Heat

The unrelenting Philippine sun punishes a man and hit towel

🌞 Chapter 1: The Moist Awakening

Dampthony had once been a proud towel. Fresh off the shelf at SM Department Store, he dreamed of spa days, gentle dabs, and maybe a cameo in a TikTok skincare routine. But fate had other plans.

Sir Chonkulus, a man whose pores wept like broken faucets, had claimed Dampthony as his personal sweat sponge. Every morning, Dampthony was dragged across a face that resembled a glazed ham left out in the sun. Every afternoon, he was shoved into the armpit crevices of a man who believed deodorant was a government conspiracy. And every night, he was left damp, crumpled, and forgotten—like a soggy ghost of his former self.

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🔥 Chapter 2: The Heat-Induced Hallucinations

Bang Bang, Bayan! — The Memoirs of a Sentient Pistol in WWII Philippines

A crazed World War II guerilla fighter unboxes his new pistol

Chapter 1: I Was Born in a Box, Not a Battlefield

They called me Lola Bertha. Not because I was old, but because I had the temper of a grandmother who just found out her favorite soap opera was canceled. I was forged in a dusty American factory, shipped to Manila, and promptly forgotten in a crate labeled “Miscellaneous Freedom.” That is, until he found me.

My wielder was a guerrilla warrior named Mang Isko—a man with the hygiene of a jungle boar and the tactical finesse of a drunk carabao. He wore banana leaves as camouflage and believed that shouting “BANG!” before shooting made the bullet faster. I adored him. Mostly because he was too stupid to use me properly, which meant I got to monologue internally while he missed every shot.

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💥 Chapter 2: Humans Are the Real Ammunition