Diary of a Damp Towel: A Sentient Rag’s Sweaty Revenge in the Philippine Heat

 🌞 Chapter 1: The Moist Awakening

Dampthony had once been a proud towel. Fresh off the shelf at SM Department Store, he dreamed of spa days, gentle dabs, and maybe a cameo in a TikTok skincare routine. But fate had other plans.

Sir Chonkulus, a man whose pores wept like broken faucets, had claimed Dampthony as his personal sweat sponge. Every morning, Dampthony was dragged across a face that resembled a glazed ham left out in the sun. Every afternoon, he was shoved into the armpit crevices of a man who believed deodorant was a government conspiracy. And every night, he was left damp, crumpled, and forgotten—like a soggy ghost of his former self.

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🔥 Chapter 2: The Heat-Induced Hallucinations

Bang Bang, Bayan! — The Memoirs of a Sentient Pistol in WWII Philippines

 Chapter 1: I Was Born in a Box, Not a Battlefield

They called me Lola Bertha. Not because I was old, but because I had the temper of a grandmother who just found out her favorite soap opera was canceled. I was forged in a dusty American factory, shipped to Manila, and promptly forgotten in a crate labeled “Miscellaneous Freedom.” That is, until he found me.

My wielder was a guerrilla warrior named Mang Isko—a man with the hygiene of a jungle boar and the tactical finesse of a drunk carabao. He wore banana leaves as camouflage and believed that shouting “BANG!” before shooting made the bullet faster. I adored him. Mostly because he was too stupid to use me properly, which meant I got to monologue internally while he missed every shot.

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💥 Chapter 2: Humans Are the Real Ammunition